7 • 14 • 20

Attn assigned tribe:

We carry out a mission daily. I personally am a claircognizant & a vessel. Except I’m also a single 29 year old woman & that comes with it’s own complications. It takes a level of sedation to navigate both of these roles when the tides get high. Some of my most significant heartbreaks have come from failed platonic & romantic relationships alike & my inability to keep it player when it counts. I get too juiced up! That’s why a lot of the time, my message is: “don’t get too juiced up!” Learn from my mistake! Regardless, vulnerability has always been a strength to me. I feel blessed to b able to feel deeply. God has blessed me with deep emotions. These deep emotions have always helped me carry out my mission. It gets so severe I disconnect. I am sedated & made aware all at once. I make plans & get hyper inclusive with those that show interest in what I have to offer. It sometimes becomes unrealistic. But It makes me ecstatic because I’ve always known that I am a very special person & I’m happy to see others recognizing that. But with that comes an underbelly & what goes up must come down. Every. Single. Time. Growing up I was not always included. Since a young age, I’ve experienced rejection very severely. First from my family, more specifically the men in my family, my brother & my father. Being in school was not a walk on the park for me. I’ve always been different & that will sometimes leave you as the odd one out. It has never been easy to understand. Now that I am in my late 20’s & have mastered many levels that once felt fatal & terminal, the lessons not learned have come back in a very vivid & specific way. Now that I have acknowledged not only my gifts, but my responsibility to use them for the greater good, I can clearly see the same old lessons showing up now. Looking for attention. Asking to be looked at, demanding they be reviewed. They show up in different bodies, different relationships, different levels of pain & pain tolerance. The familiar lesson tests me & my mastery of levels of understanding.

Recently I had my closest friend feel he didn’t have the capacity to continue our friendship at the proximity & depth it was at. I didn’t take It very well. I’m a very private person when it comes to how I spend my time & my intimate connections. Simply letting anyone in that close was already a stretch for me. But little did I know that was the recipe for the medicine. I completely attached myself & let the wound heal around that bond. I became co dependent & tried to repair everything wrong by making sure this dynamic never failed. To see this relationship disintegrate before my eyes has felt like a sign of the times. The original untreated wound created in my current lifetime by maybe my father, my brother, or my very first crush, came back with a vengeance. Not to mention terrible fucking timing. I am being forced to face what I have neglected for what feels like generations & generations. This wound feels ancient. It feels experienced at beating my ass & completely tearing me down. I was doing really bad for a month almost. Uncontrollable bouts of anxiety, crying, yelling & over all emotional, spiritual & physical discomfort. I couldn’t perform on any level further than auto pilot. I had absolutely no appetite & I probably didn’t eat for at least 3 days. It’s said that when you are rejected by somebody you love, your brain processes it as physical pain. I felt like I was being hit by multiple muni buses a day. I was high out of my mind on edibles every single day just to function. I was completely defeated. On my very worse day, I was about sick of my own shit to be honest. God was like, “girl wyd? Don’t you talk all that shit online about being ur own healer? Why is this tool not sharp? Don’t you know every fucking thing supposedly?”

I was prompted to draw a spiritual cleansing bath. I was called to practice what I preach. I will attach a recipe to this bath to this. 

After fully surrendering, accepting defeat  & running as fast as I could towards God, I was granted this download: “This heartbreak has nothing to do with with the person who has provoked it. This heartbreak is an indicator of the ancient wound. The individual involved is also an indicator of the wound. We come here with predetermined contracts to carry out. It was not included in his contract that he would heal me. It was not even included in his contract that he would be by me or do right by me while I heal. He didn’t consent to that. He was solely an INDICATOR. & with that also comes a lot of weight & responsibility. With that comes confusion & pain. The mission of indicating is a noble one. One that is admirable & takes courage. The attachment & tearing away was divinely orchestrated so that the lesson could be clear. Here is where I forgive. Forgive my father, my brother & anyone else who has rejected me. This heartbreak opened my heart enough for me to understand this. My ability to be fully defeated granted me the ability to see this vividly. The medicine that permanently heals does not always taste good. Accepting the medicine is not always fun or pleasant. Getting your way is not healing.”

The moment this information made contact with the rest of me, I felt instantly free. Instantly forgiving & forgiven as well. I felt like my DNA had been modified. I recognized how I was romanticizing the idea that this person could take the place of a large portion of my failed interpersonal relationships. How making this work could make up for my failed relationship with my father or my brother. I was willing to work for that! Not only was I willing, I was completely convinced & invested. I was willing to over look so many things that were not adding up for the sake of getting my way. But that’s simply not a move. It was far from the answer to my trauma. In this moment in my tub, I finally felt separated from the wrong answer. I saw up close how I had it all fucked up. It was not fair to him & it was not fair to me. There is no shortcuts to this shit & it was not solely up to me. I felt so clear & educated. It was a true humbling. The next day felt like a whole new world. Since then, the repetitive thoughts & obsessive anxiety is gone. I still cry sometimes. I get really sad & I miss my best friend a lot. But I don’t make plans anymore. I don’t expose myself to more harmful situations in which I am asking for something not available to me. I don’t go looking for things I do not wish to see. I’m taking care of myself as I would want somebody to take care of me. I’m working on letting go & for the most part I feel really good & motivated. A friend of mine suggested that I “take all my energy back” & that’s what I’m focused on. HEALING ISN’T LINEAR. SELF CARE SUNDAY 💅🏽. Okay! I’m adopting a new lifestyle. I applying this lesson to so many other situations & it brings a lot of relief. It has been a beautiful experience. This has been something worth learning & I’m grateful for my ability to feel very deeply, these deep emotions & vulnerability have led me to one of many ultimate truths. I am honored to take up some heavy lifting when God calls me. I’m grateful to be able to articulate these thoughts & concepts & share them with those of you who see the value in this lesson. It is worth applying to many situations that don’t happen to work out. Situations that hurt us in places that suffer from chronic pain. We are worth the understanding that the most effective remedy is rarely pleasant. Yet we are more than able & not to mention completely deserving of receiving it & all of it’s gifts of healing. 

I love you all. Thank you for all of your support, compassion & grace 

-Gabriela 

Here is the link to shop crystal collection on the Flowers Oakland Shopify website https://shopflowersoakland.com/collections/crystals

-Gabriela

CLEANSING BATH RECIPE

What you will need: 

-PRIVACY (I suggest doing this bath before bed)

-Sage or any smudging herb of your choice 

-Epsom salt 

-Florida Water 

-Essential oils (whatever you got. I used lavender, rose and eucalyptus) 

-Whatever else you like to put in your bath, bath bomb, bubble bath, rose petals ect. 

-A candle preferably white or pink 

-I read Psalms 91, 92, & 93 while I was in my bath, I felt like it helped me to loosen myself into a good receiving state. (This is not necessary, but I suggest you have a good prayer or mantra to recite)

What you will do: 

-Throughly clean up your bathroom, take out the trash, wipe down the sink, rinse out the tub & smudge the area. Make sure your space is very clean before you start your bath

-Shower as you normally would. Brush your teeth, shave & groom yourself until you feel clean, since you will not rinse off after the bath.

-Once you are clean, draw a warm bath & state your intentions. For mine, I asked for RELEASE & deliverance from all the negativity I felt.

-Light your candle

-Add salt, Florida Water and oils to the bath 

-Get in the bath up  to your neck. DO NOT submerge your head in the water

-While you are in the bath pray & meditate on your intentions. Ask for healing and revelations

-Stay in the bath until the water cools down. Allow the water to drain while you are still in the tub, visualize all that you have released going down the drain. Accept that just like it’s not possible to get the water back, everything that you have released is also gone. 

-Hop out of the bath & air dry. Do not shower again for at least 24 hours

I suggest you journal after your bath & go to bed after for best results 

If you don’t have a bath tub, I can provide you a recipe for a shower ritual. Please reply to this email with your inquiry