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Attn assigned tribe: The reoccurring pattern of messages is, win the small battles with love and pride so that you are prepared for the bigger battles at hand. Always bring it back to Spirit. Never forget to return to Source. I personally feel as if every time I reach a milestone, the lessons not yet mastered come up and are like, “oh we fixing shit? Curing diseases? Healing wounds? What about this one or this one or this one? Would you please fix this next?” It often feels like I take one step forward and 10 steps backwards. Once one tool is sharp, it creates the responsibility of getting all the other tools just as sharp. But it has never been different. Life is growth. At no point in time during our lives do we stop changing and growing. It is up to us however, to get a handle of the direction of the change and growth. What fuels it? What fuels it figuratively? What fuels it literally? In a time where the default is to consume trash, it’s very important that we are constantly checking on our intake of EVERYTHING. I personally am a complete consumer. I like to eat, watch tv, scroll endlessly on social media, listen to music and podcasts, watch tv series, I also love to mindlessly shop. I will buy whatever you’re selling if I feel like it and I readily have the means. Growing up in a low income household, I grew up thinking shit was way more expensive than it actually was. As soon as I got a LITTLE BIT of money I bought a closetful of fast fashion and a gold grill. Hood rich. Now that I see all of that for what it is, I understand that I have a lot of unlearning to do. Some things I am patient about unlearning and will still honor. I am still hood rich. At my level of self discovery and self mastery, I will still allow myself to indulge in a good Netflix series even though I got so much else I should be doing, the occasional low vibrational banter about a dysfunctional interpersonal dynamic, the messy tweet here and there, I also will overspend and buy myself nice things because I can. These are things I love. I can’t deny that. It’s part of my journey and I choose to acknowledge it and celebrate it. I know it will not always be this way and It keeps me humble. I cannot take myself so seriously that I forget who I am. I understand God is continuously working. In retrospect, there are things that I am very impatient about unlearning. I have been open and transparent about my upbringing and the traits it has created within my way of connecting. Most of all, I feel like I am very prone to become extremely and painfully attached to whatever brings me comfort. Comfort has always been something that I have been denied from a very young age. I grew up in South San Francisco in probably the poorest neighborhood in the entire city. My childhood home had this tiny bathroom with no sink, just a toilet and less than 3 feet away was a big ass claw foot tub that must have been 100 years old. The entire place was constantly falling apart. One of the windows was glued shut. We also always had random people renting a room in our house. I lived in that house from when I was 5 until I turned 18. When you are undocumented like we were, you don’t qualify for government benefits. No Section 8, no food stamps, no shortcuts. You just figure that shit out. In my case, comfort was a luxury, something for rich people. I found comfort in seeing my parents home from work, in movies, in songs on the radio, and in food. Both me and my brother would walk to the corner store and buy the the hottest chips available and an Arizona ice tea, we’d take it home and watch Arthur on PBS. That to me was where I found comfort. My mom like all other Mexican moms, cooked sopa de fideo for us, fried pasta boiled in chicken stock and tomato sauce, that was a quick easy meal. I’ve eaten probably every part of a cow’s and goat’s head in taco form, the cheeks, the tongue, the eyes and the brain. I’ve had every type of deep fried, meat and dairy based Mexican dish you can think of. What we lacked in possessions, my parents made up for it in meals. I’d come home from school and have quesadillas, instant ramen or stove top macaroni and cheese out of a box if there was nothing else. The common diet in my household was high in calories and low in nutrients, not to mention the almost daily serving of hot chips and Arizona ice tea. Acidic AF! This I feel personally, caused for me to grow up feeling as if I deserved and should be grateful for the minimum, it was normal to my family, so it was normal to me. Not to say I am not grateful for my parents and their diligence about putting food on our table, I am saying, it gave me a responsibility to make sure I am the last of my lineage to grow up on this type of diet. We will now have better options. With all that being said, growing up I was a very panicky kid, I felt constantly guilty and nervous. I had a hard time feeling confident or understood. I always felt as if there was something I had to say and I couldn’t properly express. I was always constipated both literally and figuratively. In high school I’d have constant indigestion that felt like a heart attack, I wouldn’t tell anyone about it bc no health insurance. During that age, I was discovering and exploring my body, I had a way about me that caused for me to take up as little room possible. I didn’t feel worthy of much. It felt normal to be unhealthy and not feel well. It wqs that way until about 5 years ago when I did a huge purge. I cut out violent or vulgar music, tv, curse words, drugs, alcohol, sex and all animal products. Since then I’ve been vegan, then pescatarian, vegetarian and most recently vegan again. Hot chips has got to be the hardest thing to stop eating. I feel like an addict! Considering that that shit is not even actual food, it is an edible product! It’s like eating a sock that has been designed to be barely digested by your body. But there is such an emotional attachment there, it sounds hilarious to me, but it’s so real. Just because I loved it, it didn’t mean it was ever good for me. As an adult, I see how diet affects the way I process emotions. If I were to decide to eat the chips now, my vibration will lower significantly. I’ll keep to myself afterwards because I don’t want people to experience me in that state. Looking back, I see how impossible it was and still is for my parents to apologize, to express, to initiate connection, let alone accept any fault or deep emotion in any circumstance. I don’t hold this against them, but I can imagine the strain on their bodies from the fucked up diet. The body is struggling to digest and process food, the processing of thoughts and emotions is not really the priority. This is something I take to heart. It motivates me to take better care of my body. Better care of my psyche. I think about how common it is for people to live this way. I don’t have to site any statistics. We have all seen “Supersize Me” “Food Inc” all those scary docs about the food industry. We have been set up to fail. To work for, accept and be satisfied and grateful for literal trash. It doesn’t stop at food. Entertainment, news and music is filled with imbalance. That is a cocktail for a slow painful death. I make a daily choice to take care of my body. It is not always easy. Sometimes I have hard days and wish I could eat a big cheeseburger. That’s where the enemy will try to creep in and weaken me, to hit the soft spots. When I am taking good care of my physical body, I feel extremely connected to my spiritual body. I feel my body being very communicative. I feel I am rebelling against a system designed to destroy me and anyone like me. When I reject trash food and refuse to consume huge amounts of chaotic media I create a clear boundary. It starves the parasitic energy I was set up to host from a very young age. In a similar manner, I strengthen my spiritual immunity with sound meditation to clear the mess some of the music and media content that I indulge in creates, same with literature, it resets my mindset. Downloads come in crisp when my body is alkaline and hydrated. I am worthy of the best. I become more clear about my relationships when I am physically healthy. When I am taking the best care of myself, it becomes impossible to accept or even entertain anything less from anybody else. It is important we see this as another battle to be warriors in. Another side of self to master, the tools and information have presented themselves. Pick up your weapons. Here is a generous offering from Chito Floriano, somebody who’s health journey I highly admire. Receive it with grace and gratitude. I love you all, Gabriela
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